In the land of killers, a sinner's mind is a sanctum.

Al Jazeera has reported statements by a Sunni woman that she was raped by three Shia-led police force members after she was detained over the weekend.Iraq's prime minister ordered an investigation into the allegations made by the 20-year-old married woman on Monday, but a senior Iraq police official has disputed the claim... read more on http://english.aljazeera.net/News

The 20-year-old married woman, Sabrin al Janabi, said she was attacked after police commandos took her into custody Sunday in the western Baghdad neighborhood of Amil. She was taken to a police garrison and raped, she charged.

I really don't know what to say about that brutal crime... *exhales*

There is nothing can piss me off more than raping an innocent person cuz that fucken incident sticks in the victim's mind permanantly, making that poor victim to live in the shadow with painful memories. And what makes it worse that our arabian fucked up societies don't forgive and excuse those unfortunate ladies. At the contrary, they start to talk about them badly calling them bad names, they also avoid to mingle with them in order not to "sooten thier reputations"... *pouts* They live alone with thier misery, cuz most of the pigs.... sorry, I mean "men" wouldn't think about getting married from those ravished ladies.

Some of them can't get a job afterwards, so either they

a. emigrate to some place where they can start a new life (and this option is so difficult without a great support and hope in life).

b. or some of them start to work as prostitutes to keep some food on the table (which is very common here).

c. and not so few women commit suicide after a while.

My grandparents came from countryside communities which is known by being conservative and firm about any illegal sexual relationships. If any two unmarried couples were caught having sex, they either get punished by death or getting married instantly. Of cousre, if they chose to get married that doesn't prevent them from getting beaten to a pulp. Anyway, you all know my viewpoint about pre-marital sex. And there, I totally disagree terrifying sexual love even if it was illegal. But there are some few rape actions, when the rapist is sentenced to death penalty. On a personal level, I agree on that, However, in all cases the lady has to live isolated and cornered unfortuanately.

I'm very upset and pissed off for that poor honest lady, Sabrin, and hoped if those savages would be punished severly for thier horrible crime. But, with no surprise, the Iraqi goverment has released a declaration on their website reveals "It has been shown after medical examinations that the woman had not been subjected to any sexual attack whatsoever and that there are three outstanding arrest warrants against her issued by security agencies," the government statement said. "After the allegations have been proven to be false, the prime minister has ordered that the officers accused be rewarded," it said.Why I'm not so surprised, and we belong to a state where the blood is shed for free and the wail is becoming its national anthem? Why I'm not surprised, and the hangman is the assassin and the victim is the accused one? I'm now a mixutre of emotions; love, grudge, sadness, compation and anger. I'm sorry, I think I'd better be alone for some time.... But before going.......Rest on you, friends! And don't trust hope, cuz it's forsaken this land........

*logs off*

Go, go, go Charlie! It's your birthday!

Hey, dudes!
Listen, it's the first anniversary for this fabolous insightful network http://www.olivebranchoptimism.net! I'm proud to break a record there!!!! My post has the "longest- comments section" It reached to 59 comments and still going!!!
Read it! My post was titled by "A letter to Mother Eve"!!!
You will find there some of the biggest bloggers there! Sounds interesting, doesn't it?

They said, I said…

In this series, I'm intending to focus and concentrate on some blogs for Iraqi bloggers restrictively, and comment (sometimes criticize) their postings. So let's get down to business…

(Iraqi Atheist episode)

Hey, Atheist!
Relax, infidelinho! I think you have carried a lot against our "boss" ;)
I wonder how much time it took to be such a Satanist and form dissident thoughts and ideas about Allah. Actually, you remind me by an Iraqi friend who was a materialist. He wasn't one of the Communist Marxism's fans, though!
Anyway, lemme begin with that post of yours about homosexuality;In fact, I wanted to post about that before! But regarding to some certain attitudes and events, I chose to defer it to a later notification.
Mmmm, "Homosexuality and Iraq", sounds interesting topic! But, I'm afraid I have to say that your prelude was disappointing. I think that you weren't so lucky in explaining that "Farikh" thing and the other idioms! I mean some meanings were explicated unnecessarily. I'm still wondering how you knew that gay men come from the eastern part of the capital only. You revealed that those areas have a variety of social classes of baghdadi fellas including Christians, and thus (as you claim), they are less religious people!
For God's sake, what the hell this has to do with the Christians? And if you are referring to those high-class places, lemme ask you, what about Al mansour? It is applied to the same standards you mentioned. And that one lies in Al karkh or, in other words, the western part of Baghdad. I think you need to detach between a Tanta and Farikh! It's common to call those effeminate young men by Tanta, and they, to a certain level, are transvestites or transgender people.
As a matter of fact, people of conservative cultural backgrounds or beliefs tend to look upon transwomen, if they are attracted to men, as effeminate gay men who took their effeminacy to an extreme level. If attracted to women, they are perceived by the proponents of the Autogynephilia theory as otherwise straight men with an abnormal fetish. This view is contested, as part of the debate on the associations and distinctions between homosexuality and transgender, and the issue of autogynephilia (In fact, I will talk more about this later).
Back to the "Iraqi homosexuality", I think its shortcomings are summarized in mere sex desires. I think it's more proper to use the word "Bisexuality" in Iraq than "Homosexuality" since most of the homosexuals in Iraq are ready to have sex with both genders. Therefore, there's no actual sentimental commitment between the majority of the homosexuals in Iraq. And yes, there are some lesbo ladies but I think that they are doing this for fun!As far as I'm concerned, being straight doesn't make me a homophobic! But unfortunately, this is not applied for the rest of the Iraqi people. They think if you don't attack, object or disprove the homosexuals that means you are a one! It's common to say there that: "a girl's love comes from the heart, whilst, loving a guy originates from the mind" which means, it's a kind of a mental sickness.
Personally, I had suffered and been annoyed from my friends' continuous sarcasm because once I had said that "I do respect their scope and I don't fear them".Oh, come on! Guys here kiss and hug others for greetings.
I didn't imagine that such a statement will make such turmoil inside the college. And soon I was named by Mr. G, which refers to Gay! They didn't only stop their derogatory comments about me, but also, they also alleged that my hair, behavior and way of speech implied that I was a real gay. These rumors were infiltrated to some girls, and one of them told me that she knew why they were calling me by G!!!
All this offence was released from cultured people, so you gotta imagine what the reaction of ignorant people and extremists would be!
And yes, if I don't have a problem with homosexuals that doesn't categorize me as a gay. And here, atheist! I must take a bow to you!Basically, homosexuality has nothing to do with me! But things such as; rape, misogyny, bestiality and pedophilia are really pissing me off and make me feel sick at times!
In overall, the post was neat, eloquent and successful to some point in spotlighting the foggy image of the homosexuals in the Iraqi community.

I had some informationl to enrich your blog about some race who called by Yazids!
They worship (some deify) the Satan because, according to their belief, "that the universe is ruled by two gods (the good god and the bad god).The good god is known for the most people by the Almighty (also known as Allah), while the evil god is the Satan". They claim that the Almighty (the good god) is philanthropic in character and can't harm or punish anybody, therefore, worshipping such god is an absolute stupidity and waste of time. Instead, they worship the Satan (the bad god) to avert his malice and what he can cause a detriment to those who deny and don't obey him.Some of those Yazids allege that the Satan is as mighty as Allah, and they have for this concept several allegations, such as, "the Satan had contradicted the Almighty's command to genuflect before Adam (the first man) and disdained himself to do so".To be honest, I always ask myself about many mysterious divine issues. I didn't want to be driven blindly to the religion without any moment of thinking and contemplation. And I submit to one thing, that the god had created us for some unrevealed reasons. However, I do believe in his existence and being unique, means that he's not Jesus, Satan, Buddha, or anything else, the whole god is unseen and high. Therefore, I don't dare to mess up with that Supreme Being.Eventually, I think that anyone of us has an inner voice to call some being for help or rescue when he/she's in trouble or critical situation. But some of us just deny that voice afterwards.

Oh, before signing off! I'd like to say something to that troubled "Ali" and I would be grateful if you kindly transmit these words to him,
"Unless you are enjoying your current situation and having some orgy out there, I think you should take a brave decision to quit that horrible nightmare you are living now and don't let them to blackmail you with that feeble threat anymore. I know suchlike people, those curs won't dare to do a word of it."
Here, I should blame you, atheist! You should support and help that poor fellow and give him every advice and boosting words possible. *shrugs*

Kissing 2006 goodbye!

*coughs*
Cold air sucks, really!
Anyway, happy you new year and happy eid, everyone! I hope both synchronous occasions unify and bring peace on you, earth people!
I hope that 2007 is much better than 2006. Neglecting Italy's (ma fav. team and birhplace) winning the world cup in last July, 2006 was very painful and dreadful year for me and for most iraqis (including Saddam)! Many tragic events happend and this is not the right time to talk about them.
*coughs again*
Whatever!
Oh, shit! I'm facing some problems with my PC, I think I should plug out some older parts and get newer ones instead! But that costs some money, doesn't it?!
God, I must put0 some budget for expenditure! Infact, I'm saving some money for the summer holiday to visit either Lebnanon or Turkey but I haven't set up my mind yet!

*Coughs some more while listening to "Side 2 side" by THREE 6 MAFIA*
Brrr, It's so damn cold here these days!
For the first time, I did see the snow in real! But still I haven't tried the sex thing and I don't think much about it these days cuz I think I'm living in Siberia not in Damascus! Besides, I'm exhausted enough in the work that I can't think of anything horny! (therefore, you can cheer up, ladies) :P

Full of memories

Supplementary Edition,

Ok, I'm here to console myself first and then the Iraqi people for the martyrdom of the comedian artist "Waleed H. Jiaz" and ask Allah to inspire his family with patience and support.
Jiaz was murdered in Baghdad in 20th of Sep. 2006 by some unknown brutal gunmen. He was father for 4 daughters and a boy.
Personally, I liked that comedian and I liked his show "Caricature"! He was one of the stars of that audacious comedic show, which concerned about many different issues that really interest every Iraqi civilian such as; the critical security situation, the fanatics, the dismal performance of the Iraqi government and the low-level services (Power, fuel, water, traffic and communications).
Yeah, I know there're tens of such poor guy are killed everyday in Iraq but I do matter for his death……… His death reminded me by Saif! They had the same effect on their own people; both of them had that incredible sense of humor! Some may say "Is it possible that such a naughty dirty-minded weasel cares for losing a person?" and I answer them "I do! cuz I lost Saif; and he was a brother of mine!".
God bless Saif!
God bless Jiaz!
God bless the martyrs of Iraq!
And God bless us all!
Amen!

Full of memories.............

Another head hangs lowly, Child is slowly taken
And the violence caused such silence, who are we mistaken
But you see it's not me, it's not my family In your head,
in your head they are fighting
With their tanks and their bombs And their bombs and their gunsIn your head,
In your head they are cryin'
In your head
Zombie
What's in your head, in your head
Zombie
Another mother's breakin' heart is taking over
when the violence causes silence We must be mistaken
It's the same old team since 1916 In your head,
In your head they're still fightin'With their tanks and their bombs And their bombs and their guns
In your head they are dyin'
The Cranberries -Zombie-
On: No Need To Argue (1994)

Sup, pals?!God, how much I miss them! Before a year no one really imagined this! All I remember that we used to gather near a terrace outside the college's cafeteria chattin', laughin', examinin' girls' butts and sometimes discussing a filming project usually produced by the KID. My gang was including the KID, Eihab & Saif (Baghday). The KID is still alive but lives somewhere far, the rest two died tragically on a violent blast last June. Also Rock Girl, I miss her so fuckin' much. I dunno if she got engaged yet or not, her last letter revealed that she's gonna be engaged to some dude this week. I'm so worried about her!I'm not believing myself saying this but I do miss that "country girl" too!
Bah! My heart painfully squeezes for the memory of the deceased Saif! My being refuses (till this moment) the truth of his death. He was my dearest friend since we were kids and everything reminds me by him; his photos, his CDs, his notebooks and his England soccer team shirt!
I still keep this stuff with me cuz I don't have the enough courage to face his family and give it back to them! I'm also keeping a personal photo for him inside my wallet! I had some dreams about Saif looked so real, I'm wondering if the dead people can visit their beloved ones in dreams or something like that.Every night, I beg my Allah to meet Saif one last time in the afterlife whatever my destiny is!Till when we gotta suffer? Have we reached to a dead end? Will these cleavers stop ripping Iraq apart? Shall we witness the Lord's revenge on the ground and punish those savages who don't hesitate to kill?! Will those orphans, widows and those bereaved ones wipe the tears and give up wailing on the memory of their dear ones?! What did we do to deserve all this? Is their any light of hope at the end of this gloomy scary tunnel?
Or just as Metallica's 'no leaf clover';
Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel
Is just a freight train coming your way

Shifty minded

Hey, for the ones who haven't about me recently, I'd like to tell them that I'm here in Syria again!!!
No, I'm not kiddin', I'm sayin' the truth! I've been there in Iraq for a week no more, but what a week!
In fact, I just wanted to start ma life independently leaving ma parents away and continue finishin' ma studies without any stress and tension. I thought by going back there I can meet ma longtime expected girl, I went back to be myself and prove something I need to be proved!
I went there with all dreams and fancies of a better independent future ignoring every tear or request to abandon that idea of going back.
"WRONG TIME WRONG PLACE", that was what I had realized as soon as I got Baghdad. I intended to go to college on Sunday to see some pals and hang out and meet, if possible, ma girl but I couldn't make it! The area was crowded with armored vehicles of US armed forces, there were also some choppers hovering above. "Shit! I have to go on foot till the main road!" I've whispered. There were number of Iraqi national guards and one of them was holding a speaker:" WE ASK THE CIVILIANS NOT TO GO OUT, THERE WILL BE SOME SEARCHING OPERATIONS AND WE HOPE YOU COOPERATE WITH US TO MAKE THIS MISSION SUCCEFUL FOR YOUR SAFTEY!"
"What?! We haven't started yet! It's ma first day here!" I went to them to tell them I had college and I must go before 8:00 am!
"Sorry, dude! All the residences should be stock taken!" Some American sgt. last-named Blake as it was written on his uniform.
Me: "What for?! Is it for that kidnapped soldier?"
Blake: "Oh, hehehe! Yea, for this and that! Now, you may go before someone sees you and thinks that you are some informer or something!"
Me: "Oh, yea! Nice way for kicking me out but thank you anyway!"
I went to college anyway, and to my surprise there wasn't much there, as I revealed in my last posting, and also I couldn't meet that girl!
All the ones I've met there told me that I was silly to go back to Iraq in such conditions whatever the reason was! There were some reasons I'd prefer not to mention led me by thinking of leaving Iraq again!
Anyways, I wanna tell you something real that I've experienced; Chick are so dumb! And no offence, you ladies!
I'm worried about the people there in Iraq, the next days would be so difficult and horrible! Saddam has been sentenced to death penalty and this issue won't go easy, possibly, things will rise up terribly there in Iraq!
In Iraq, yesterday is better than today! Forget the sex thing! ;)

Back to hellcity

Hello, there! I'm here in Iraq again leaving ma family behind in Syria....
I'm intending to continue ma studies here, although, there are alot of students missing or absent and so are the doctors and lecturers.
I dunno what to say now.... I'm more confused than ever.... I dunno what is best for me?
Anyways, I need to thank someone for her great support for me and being always there for a help! I need to thank her for being such a great friend and lovely person...
Thanks alot, Melly! I'm lucky to be a friend of you!

Outlandish

Hail!
Finally I got to Syria after spending 38 hours in bus coming from Baghdad!
It wasn't an easy decision for me to leave Iraq and abandon my friends and relatives
and delay my academic study one year later, I say it wasn't easy but after long hours of thinking and due to the terrible conditions and my mom's insistence to runaway out of the red zone I decided to leave Iraq heading to Syria!
Since the air navigation was temporarily aborted, we (I and Mom) decided to Bus!!! By the way, we didn't choose the train cuz the railways are blocked. Therefore, we had no other choice but traveling by the bus.
There are two main roads leading to Syria! One called Al-Waleed, the other called Al-Gamshely. The first one takes 12 hours in order to hit Damascus, the latter takes about more than 20 hours but it is much safer than Al-Waleed which is infamous by the loot and pillage actions!
We began our trip on Monday, the 2nd of October at 8:15 am with other 45 passengers; most of them are women and children.
Our trip was intervened by several stoppages made by the US military forces for god knows why. Therefore, we had reached the Iraqi borders at 6:30 pm, just 30 minutes before blocking the borders. But we were surprised to know that the borders were closed by the US forces with no particular reason! I asked one of the Iraqi guards there about the time of the blockage, he answered:" Don't ask me! Ask that private!" he was pointing to some sniper was standing over an outpost tower.
There was nothing else to do but parking the bus with other three buses and spend the night outdoor. After while, three men came and told us that we could sleep inside a mosque was nearby. Although, that night was so cold that I preferred to stay inside the bus.
The borders were open again at 7:00 am, but we couldn't finish the procedures of checking passports and examining the cargoes before 11:00 am!
The funniest thing that I hadn't urinated for more than 10 hours, however, I had already drunk 6 cans of cola and several glasses of water and 2 cups of tea at the Syrian border. So, I got "busted" inside the bus! I had a terrible pressure of withholding of peeing till the next stop. I went to the driver to ask him about the time remaining to reach a nearest restaurant, he told me that it was about 100 km away which means about more than 1 hour time!
My goodness, I must keep fighting one more hour! I was suffering from a terrible pain in my flank and bladder. And yeah, here we got to a rest! I hurried to the toilet and psssssssssssssss…. Yeeeeeeeaaah! When I was about getting out of the toilet, I heard some feminine voices. I was in ladies' toilets! Still don't know the difference between toilets of men and those of women! I mean why it can't be common toilets since there isn't any special stuffs distinguish between one and another! I was imprisoned inside the toilet until all women were gone! When I was out I tried to find that sign of WOMEN but with no result. Still wondering how did they know that this was women's toilet and the other was men's?!
It was a long ride from the Syrian borders to Damascus!
Anyways, I'm here in Damascus, Yarmouk, Street no. 30 if anyone's interested!

Another Ramadan

Hello, fellowes!
Hope you are fine and safe!
Sorry, I have no much time to post!


See ya lata!

*Confused*

Ok, pals! I may leave Iraq forever soon. My family is arranging the final steps of our departure! Anyway, I didn't make up my mind yet! I'm not sure that I wanna leave for real. Actually, if I left, I think I should terminate blogging because I don't live in Iraq anymore. But the last thing I can think is to give up posting into my blog. So, what to do?! Any ideas? Please, help!

Death squads

I’m back!
I was in a real dormancy in the recent while! I tried to post earlier but I couldn’t. I’m now in Iraq after spending couple of weeks in Syria! I had a nice time there, I went for some ancient and touristic sites, such as, Saladin’s castle, Qasyon Mount., Lazekia beaches, Hamidya Bazaar, Tishreen square …etc.
I stayed in Damascus and the weather was really fine there, the Syrian people are nice and very collaborative, the chicks are WOW! But, I don’t why I felt sorry about me. Actually, I felt sorry about Iraq. Whenever I saw a beautiful sight or view, my heart painfully contracted sadly on Iraq. We are missing here something called system!
I just wonder how can we continue doing our jobs and go to schools or to work?! A week before, my father came home terrified! He said that some gunmen stop their office bus on the highway that leads to “Albayaa area” in Baghdad. He added and mentioned that those hirelings obliged the driver to pull over and grabbed that poor driver out of the bus and aim their AK47s over his head. One of them ordered the passengers to show their ID cards! The other gunmen yelled: “Fuck them, let’s move on from here quick!”. They took that poor driver with them and quickly drove their four wheel drive Toyota. One of the passengers volunteered to drive that bus back home. My dad said that nobody was believing what was going on! Of course, no one heard anything about that unfortunate driver since that afternoon. It’s familiar situation these days to be murdered according to your fellowship (whether being Sunni or Shiit) by some civil gunmen, all they have to do is to form a fake checkpoint and hunt some innocent people and leave quickly before they got busted by a US army vehicle or a chopper.
When I was in Syria, I met some European tourists (two Greek men and a French woman), they all asked me about the reality of the civil war in Iraq, my answer was “the bastards militias! what’s happening there is a valid environment of that war!”
Jaquelene (the French lady) begged me not go back!
With all that horror and devastation, I’m still breathing (thanks god) but I’m sick of being lonely. I used to mail some girl who was in her high school senior year, we used to chat online and exchange mails. She found me a nice guy after she was betrayed by some mothafucka. she couldn’t trust me at first but I struggled a lot to win her confidence. She told me a lot about her except her living place! She promised to meet after finishing her baccalaureate exams. But since then, I heard jackshit!
I wish that nothing bad had happened with her, I wish that she’s alive and safe somewhere. It’s ok to leave me alive than being dead!

Damascus

Well, I'm now in Syria! It's nice over here, the weather is good, people are Ok and it's a great chance to change the terrible atomoshpere and lessen some pressure after what happend (I will talk about that in more details)!

In memory of.....

It was Sunday's 11:20 pm when ma cellular showed the Kid no.? "What does he want?!" I've whispered..
Me: "Hello..?"
Kid: "Hello! Do you know?!"
Me: " now what?!"
Kid: "Baghday, Blue, YMX and Sonen?!"
Me: "No, I don't! what happend?!"
Kid: "You don't Know!!!!"
Me: "Know what?! What the..."
Kid: "Bye Bye!"
and soon the conversation was terminted. I thought it was a silly kind of a joke but then I decided to make sure and buzz the mentioned fellowes' cellphones! I tried to call the first one but I was surprised by the voice of the Network Call Centre said "The mobile you are calling is either switched off or out of the coverage area!". Something is wrong, I tried to call the others and it was fruitless!
Afterwhile, another guy called; He was my hostelmate, "Lil'"!
He asked me about the four guys telling me that they had an accident;
Lil': "Hey, Caesar! Listen, call Baghday's family and ask'em about Baghday and the others!"
Me: "Hehehe! Bad joke, nigga! You can't fool me!"
Lil': "I'm not fuckin' with you, ass! Call Baghday's parents! It's fucken serious!"
Me: "Why? what happend?"
Lil': "Well, there was an accident in Karrada! A bomb explosion!"
Me: "You mean they were there?!"
Lil': "Yeah, at the time of the clash!"
Me: "Ok, ok, I'm gonna call them! Do you hear me? I'll call'em. No more tricks, ok?!"
Lil': "Just do it, god's sake!"
**************************************************
I tried to call his Dad’s mobile but also it was out of service. My heart was throbbing faster this time hoping that nothing bad had happened. And soon I remembered that I wrote Baghday’s uncle’s phone no. somewhere and thus;
Me: “Er, Allo?! Am I talking to Mr. …..” asking about his identy.
Baghday’s Uncle: “Yes, who is this?!” he answered with shaky voice.
Me: “I’m Baghday’s friend, and I’m asking if he is ok?!”
B.U.: “Er, ah, I think he is ok! He is now in hospital!”
Me (being shocked but tried to keep calm): “Eh? No serious casualties I hope?!”
B.U.: “No, no, no! Just light burns in his arms and thighs!”
Me: “Thanks God! But what about his friends? They were with him and surely you know something about’em.”
B.U.: “Oh, I don’t know anything about the others. Listen, son! I gotta go now! Good bye!” and soon he ended the call.
I was puzzled this time; “What is the godammit going on here?!”.
I tried to call Lil’ to tell him about the call but it was ‘Switched off’ International Day and therefore I couldn’t call him.
I was more worried; “Why his cellular is switched off? Doesn’t he wait a call from me?!”, another inquiry came on ma mind “Is Baghday really ok? And why he didn’t tell me about his mates? Is it true that he doesn’t know anything about them?!” it was a torrent of tens of questions, inquiries and possibilities ,therefore, I decided to lie down and shut down ma senses and have a slumber.
I woke up early at that morning intending to go to college, on the way to college ma head was logged with these scary insomniac thoughts of something bad happened!
I got to college and there I saw a bunch of students gathering in front of the college’s cafeteria and they were my mates and I whispered: “Ya rabb ostur!” which means “please, God’s care!”. And there, I asked one of’em and he told me “We lost them! Three of them are gone!”.
I couldn’t believe it at first, the effect of the shock impedes the idea of death. And I realized that those three guys are Blue, Senon and YMX!
“Fuck Iraq!” I whispered with words came out from a collared throat. And then I had burst with tears bewailing on ma dear friends. There were some guys tried to lessen the mishap and give some support; “ They are resting in peace and let’s pray for Baghday!” but I couldn’t stop it. They were ma brothers.
Later, they said that Baghday was medicated in hospital suffering from serious burns of the third level in 60% of his 90 kg body.
I couldn’t go on more about this tragedy, no one would understand!
*******************************************************************
And then ma childhood’s mate, Baghday couldn’t make it and…………. *seizes a heavy teardrop*. I can’t forget that moment; it was 9:15 pm Bag. Time on Friday 16th of June, the phone rang and…
Me: “Hello, Falcon!”
Falcon: “Hi, man! Hey, Caesar! How’s Baghday?!”
Me: “He is ok! I had called yesterday! They let me talk to him through his dad’s cellphone!”
Falcon: “Please, can you make sure now?!”
Me: “Ok, I will!”
Then I decided to call Baghday’s dad again waiting for more good news about his progress!
But I was surprised when an unfamiliar voice answered
Me: “I’m just asking about Baghday, how is he?!”
The Guy: “I’m his cousin, Baghday has donated his life for you!” which means that Baghday’s gone!
I can’t remember then but a loud sharp wailing screech.
I didn’t imagine that I could cry on someone like that. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t study, I couldn’t stop weeping and I couldn’t stop that desire of cutting ma self again!
The more blood the more relief. I made sure that I shouldn’t leave any scars like I did before and I think that I’m becoming a professional with that shit.
And of course, Nobody cared or gave a fuck about Baghday’s death. All of their say is “He is resting in peace!” as if we didn’t live together for years and it’s easy to lose a guy like him. Even his girl (mentioned in his last posting, refer to Baghday’s blog!” didn’t shed any godammit fucken tear on him! Why is that, huh?!
Sorry, 13! But you oughtn’t say : “That’s it, it’s over!” I think it is egocentric act! It’s not easy to lose a friend and you fuckin’ know that!!!
It’s like if I would die, people will say: “Come on, it’s over! There’s nothing else we can do!........... So, how was your day?!”
What the hell your hearts are made of? Isn’t there any moment of silence? Won’t you stop this blood flood? I hate you, Iraqis! I hate you, Iraq! I hate you all!
Once, ma mom said: “I’m not Iraqi, I’m Italian! Because in Italy I felt that I was a real human and such land deserves to be your homeland and to consider yourself as a one of their people!”. She was fucking right!
May God keep my beloved mates in his eternal paradise. And if I could send them a message I will say this:
“Don’t fret, pals! You are in much safer, better and pleasant place! A place with no hypocrites, no love cheaters, no assassins and no power outages.”

5 minutes break

Hey, I'm here and I'm home again!
I had many shocking events and plenty of matter to discuss but have no time to post'em all!
I have to prepare for the final exams, so alotta shit is yet to come!

I'm not a party animal

Hi.. I’m here again! I can’t post regularly regarding to my current offhome status, therefore, I had to find time and a PC supported with the Internet service to post ma shit.
I’ve met my mother again this afternoon (she is currently living at my grandma’s). She was excited to see me again, she told me that she was longing for me. Infact, I had the same feeling but I tried hard not to show it. I only kissed her cheeks.
Yeah, I miss them much but I have to say this is for our own good. I must admit that once you be over 18 you must spread your wings and migrate leaving your parents behind.
I don’t say that you should secede from your family but you may avoid many problems with them by staying aside.
Shit, the graduation party will be set up next Thursday and plenty mates are gonna be gratuated, however, I won’t participate their party cuz I don’t like such silly parties for many reasons:
1. Eastern songs are played.
2. Only the boys are dancing and the gurlz are just spectators.
3. The masquerade is deadly customary.
4. The hot weather with temp. of 40 c outdoor.
5. My shy personality.

I think when I will get married (if I will) I won’t make wedding party!

See you later and sooner I hope.

Off home

Hey.. Over here!
Can you see me?!
Ok, I'm fine! And you can see that I'm still capable of breathing!
I'm now home away since a week ago, I've joined our unversity's internal hostel.
As I revealed before, ma family is inteding to move to Syria so I had to join the hostel to finish ma study here in Iraq and join ma family lata.
Well, it's a lil' bit unfamiliar and chaotic here in the hostel...
I wish to post more but I can't now....
See you later!

Birthday in road

It was my birthday.. I’m now 22 years old (still virgin though)!
On March 18, 2006 at 10:30 am, I was intending to go home after spending two nights away at friend’s of mine so I decided to take a mini-bus as a mean of travel to back home. And, yeah! One seat left and that was for me so I got in.
It was a mini-bus for 10 passengers, there were four ladies and five men. When I got in, one of the passengers was middle-aged man said: “We’ve been waiting for you for a time!” and he dabbed on my thigh but I acted indifferent busying my self with my nokia 3360 mobile switching it to pager mode and the bus got going.
There were three men chatting about the current situations of Iraq, criticising the procedures of the formation of the new elected government and how that affects badly on the life of the ordinary citizen. I was listening to their dialouge when I noticed a mongol girl was trying to woo me, she was waving her small hand and winking at me trying to draw my attention to her. I couldn’t answer but a pale smile and then she gave me a kiss in air, and soon I was embaressed about that and felt sorry about her in same time so I decided to pull my attention away, but I was shocked when I heard the woman sitting beside that poor girl talking to me….. “Hahaha, she is my daughter! It seems that she likes you!”…… “er,… yea!….. oh,… hehe… er, ok…. Hello!” I was stuttering and my face was blushing and the girl quickly hid her face behind her mother left shoulder and started giggling, the whole scene diverted to be ridiculous but the woman thanked me for doing this and she said that I made her happy. She also told me that I reminded her by her son who is abroad for work…..
The Woman: “ He is now in UAE working with his uncle! And you could see that I spend all my time with Tota” she meant her daughter and then added : “ My son, Khalid, is in your age! He is 24 years old!”.
Me: “ May Allah keep them safe for you!”
Woman: “ And bless you too, son! See, I haven’t much left since I lost my husband in war 90” she meant the 2nd Gulf war in 1991.
Me: “Oh, may he rest in peace!”.
Woman: “ Oh, may he! Poor girl! She became orphan in her 1st year!”.
“Stop it, ma’am! You’ve wringed my heart!” I whispered, and the defected girl was still smiling.
How can someone be such loyal to the memory of his lover, I mean that mother seems to be at the beginning of 40s of her age, she is good-looking too. She could get married at that time, but instead, she prefered to raise two kids one of them has constitutional defects. I can’t imagine this but I can understand it anyway.
Then, there was a long pause intervened by smiles of that bereaved girl and coughs of 60 years old man smoking Kent cigarettes, and then the woman told the driver that she should get off and she saluted me good bye….
The woman: “ Come on Tota! Say bye to ……..”
Me : “-----” I answered.
The woman : “ Ok, stay safe, ------!”
Me: “ I will! Thanks, Ma’am!”.
Tota (giggles) : “ Bye!”
Me: “Ok, bye bye, Tota!”
And they got off.
And again I was buzzed by the same middle aged man,
Man: “ What a pity! Mind is a grace!".
Me : " But she is not crazy!"
Man : " I know she is mongol!" he said it with disgust and added : "she may not live so long, i heard they live shortly!"
Me (whispers) : "and what the fuck you wanna get?! Mind your own bussiness, sucker!"
In the end, I got home safe in one piece and thanks God!
And that was my birthday!

Ma poor brother

First thing I say: “ I’m not fazed”….Oh ma poor brotha…. Son of ma dad and motha…..Don’t care, don’t botha…..Chicks are mothafucka!!!!
Yeah, these days my brother is so frustrated and depressed cuz of a chick!He started to listen to sad arabic songs and prefered to be alone with himself with a rather frown face and everytime I ask him about the reason he wouldn’t tell, until one time he was so desperate and greifed, therefore, he couldn’t keep it anymore and soon he told me about what tortured him all that time.He was loving a girl with him in the same college, he thought that she liked him too and he was hesitating whenever he decided to tell her about his feelings but in the end he decided to so.He went to her as she was walking with another girl and asked her to have some words on private;Brother: “Er,…Hi!”.Girl: “Hi?!”.Bro: “Can I talk to you on private?….. I mean I have something to tell you!”Girl (shrugging): “Me?!… No, I apologize”.Bro: “It won’t take long, just a couple of words!”Girl: “I know what are you trying to tell me but I’m sorry, I can’t!”Bro (falling from the 20th floor): “Ok, thank you for your time!”He was sighing and trying hardly to seize heavy tears when he told me his story. I became pissed off when he finished narrating that dialouge and I said at once : “FUCK HER!” twice with a chocked voice, but ma brother soon replied : “No, you shouldn’t say that! She refused me softly and I may try again later….”.I felt sorry about him and said : “Ok, cheer up, man! She just missed a wonderful guy!” and then I left him with a smile.
Fuck her again and again! After all, who is she? Angelina Jolie, Christina Aguilera or Paris Hilton? Why he is got to suffer cuz of her? Does he have to try again and cringe himself before her to win her heart? Well, he said that he still love her! Excuse me, bro! But this is not love, it is a mothafucka pain! You don’t have to suffer and care about a person doesn’t give a fuck about you! You mustn’t live with that illusion and punishing yourelf like that!Obsession is defined by one sided love, you should know that!I had passed through all this and my scar is a live evidence for that insanity. But, at least, we both were (me and the county girl) in love neglecting what happened after.Love is so sweet when you find someone reciprocating it with you, at that moment, I can say you are in love and you must be loyal with your lover and let your hearts do talking.Sometimes, I feel sorry about ma country girl. She was (and still) in love with me, she presented her soul and body for me and also she was ready to do anything for me but I was such a fuckin’ pig who thought of nothing but to parade his pornography.Sorry, Melantrys! Now, the image had become distinct and clear! I’ve figured out what you told me about stop decieving her and act honestly. Thank you!Anyways, I think that sex makes any two lovers connected more to each other and prepare a suitable ground for the consturction of truth between them.
Anyways, I’m now enjoying ma self watching porn at XXL and MULTVISION sat. channels. I want a time-out to relax before going on again.
One last thing, this post wasn’t for my brother only, but it is also for you Kid, Blue and every heartached person.

Fire extinguisher

Good afternoon,
Last night at nearly 9:30 pm I was sitting behing ma PC when I heard a loud sharp scream comes out from the next door "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh".I hurried to get out and see what happened, I thought that he was shocked by the electric power but I was terrified when I saw a huge flames rising up from the nieghboors garage with scary screams coming out through the fire, I spontanously started to yell at ma brother and dad, and soon I saw ma father was coming out and then ma brother too. I ran to get the hose to come down the fire spreading beside that poor man's car I told ma father to help me with that but he wasn't listening, his attention was to move our car away leaving me alone and then I heard ma brother shouts to pull our nieghboor's car away. My brother was standing bravely near the scary flames with a big blanket to decrease the danger of that fire, some guys helped him with that and they decided to pull the car away in order to avoid the danger of the blow and they did so.
Ma dad came then and yelled for us to come back, this time we didn't give a fuck....
Let him be coward and enjoy that miserable life we all are living but let's do our job and live proudly. I prefer to die and people helping others better than living this shitty life.
Anyways, someone brought a fire extinguisher and let that fuckin' fire down.
No one was hurted (thanx God) and it was impressing moment when that man thanked us (me and ma brother and ofcourse that extinguisher guy).

I think I will never forget that.

ps: I didn't watch porn afterwards that night!!!