Friday, December 29, 2006

Kissing 2006 goodbye!

Cold air sucks, really!
Anyway, happy you new year and happy eid, everyone! I hope both synchronous occasions unify and bring peace on you, earth people!
I hope that 2007 is much better than 2006. Neglecting Italy's (ma fav. team and birhplace) winning the world cup in last July, 2006 was very painful and dreadful year for me and for most iraqis (including Saddam)! Many tragic events happend and this is not the right time to talk about them.
*coughs again*
Oh, shit! I'm facing some problems with my PC, I think I should plug out some older parts and get newer ones instead! But that costs some money, doesn't it?!
God, I must put0 some budget for expenditure! Infact, I'm saving some money for the summer holiday to visit either Lebnanon or Turkey but I haven't set up my mind yet!

*Coughs some more while listening to "Side 2 side" by THREE 6 MAFIA*
Brrr, It's so damn cold here these days!
For the first time, I did see the snow in real! But still I haven't tried the sex thing and I don't think much about it these days cuz I think I'm living in Siberia not in Damascus! Besides, I'm exhausted enough in the work that I can't think of anything horny! (therefore, you can cheer up, ladies) :P

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Full of memories

Supplementary Edition,

Ok, I'm here to console myself first and then the Iraqi people for the martyrdom of the comedian artist "Waleed H. Jiaz" and ask Allah to inspire his family with patience and support.
Jiaz was murdered in Baghdad in 20th of Sep. 2006 by some unknown brutal gunmen. He was father for 4 daughters and a boy.
Personally, I liked that comedian and I liked his show "Caricature"! He was one of the stars of that audacious comedic show, which concerned about many different issues that really interest every Iraqi civilian such as; the critical security situation, the fanatics, the dismal performance of the Iraqi government and the low-level services (Power, fuel, water, traffic and communications).
Yeah, I know there're tens of such poor guy are killed everyday in Iraq but I do matter for his death……… His death reminded me by Saif! They had the same effect on their own people; both of them had that incredible sense of humor! Some may say "Is it possible that such a naughty dirty-minded weasel cares for losing a person?" and I answer them "I do! cuz I lost Saif; and he was a brother of mine!".
God bless Saif!
God bless Jiaz!
God bless the martyrs of Iraq!
And God bless us all!

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Full of memories.............

Another head hangs lowly, Child is slowly taken
And the violence caused such silence, who are we mistaken
But you see it's not me, it's not my family In your head,

in your head they are fighting
With their tanks and their bombs And their bombs and their gunsIn your head,
In your head they are cryin'
In your head

What's in your head, in your head
Another mother's breakin' heart is taking over

when the violence causes silence We must be mistaken
It's the same old team since 1916 In your head,
In your head they're still fightin'With their tanks and their bombs And their bombs and their guns
In your head they are dyin'
The Cranberries -Zombie-
On: No Need To Argue (1994)

Sup, pals?!God, how much I miss them! Before a year no one really imagined this! All I remember that we used to gather near a terrace outside the college's cafeteria chattin', laughin', examinin' girls' butts and sometimes discussing a filming project usually produced by the KID. My gang was including the KID, Eihab & Saif (Baghday). The KID is still alive but lives somewhere far, the rest two died tragically on a violent blast last June. Also Rock Girl, I miss her so fuckin' much. I dunno if she got engaged yet or not, her last letter revealed that she's gonna be engaged to some dude this week. I'm so worried about her!I'm not believing myself saying this but I do miss that "country girl" too!
Bah! My heart painfully squeezes for the memory of the deceased Saif! My being refuses (till this moment) the truth of his death. He was my dearest friend since we were kids and everything reminds me by him; his photos, his CDs, his notebooks and his England soccer team shirt!
I still keep this stuff with me cuz I don't have the enough courage to face his family and give it back to them! I'm also keeping a personal photo for him inside my wallet! I had some dreams about Saif looked so real, I'm wondering if the dead people can visit their beloved ones in dreams or something like that.Every night, I beg my Allah to meet Saif one last time in the afterlife whatever my destiny is!Till when we gotta suffer? Have we reached to a dead end? Will these cleavers stop ripping Iraq apart? Shall we witness the Lord's revenge on the ground and punish those savages who don't hesitate to kill?! Will those orphans, widows and those bereaved ones wipe the tears and give up wailing on the memory of their dear ones?! What did we do to deserve all this? Is their any light of hope at the end of this gloomy scary tunnel?
Or just as Metallica's 'no leaf clover';
Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel
Is just a freight train coming your way

Monday, November 06, 2006

Shifty minded

Hey, for the ones who haven't about me recently, I'd like to tell them that I'm here in Syria again!!!
No, I'm not kiddin', I'm sayin' the truth! I've been there in Iraq for a week no more, but what a week!
In fact, I just wanted to start ma life independently leaving ma parents away and continue finishin' ma studies without any stress and tension. I thought by going back there I can meet ma longtime expected girl, I went back to be myself and prove something I need to be proved!
I went there with all dreams and fancies of a better independent future ignoring every tear or request to abandon that idea of going back.
"WRONG TIME WRONG PLACE", that was what I had realized as soon as I got Baghdad. I intended to go to college on Sunday to see some pals and hang out and meet, if possible, ma girl but I couldn't make it! The area was crowded with armored vehicles of US armed forces, there were also some choppers hovering above. "Shit! I have to go on foot till the main road!" I've whispered. There were number of Iraqi national guards and one of them was holding a speaker:" WE ASK THE CIVILIANS NOT TO GO OUT, THERE WILL BE SOME SEARCHING OPERATIONS AND WE HOPE YOU COOPERATE WITH US TO MAKE THIS MISSION SUCCEFUL FOR YOUR SAFTEY!"
"What?! We haven't started yet! It's ma first day here!" I went to them to tell them I had college and I must go before 8:00 am!
"Sorry, dude! All the residences should be stock taken!" Some American sgt. last-named Blake as it was written on his uniform.
Me: "What for?! Is it for that kidnapped soldier?"
Blake: "Oh, hehehe! Yea, for this and that! Now, you may go before someone sees you and thinks that you are some informer or something!"
Me: "Oh, yea! Nice way for kicking me out but thank you anyway!"
I went to college anyway, and to my surprise there wasn't much there, as I revealed in my last posting, and also I couldn't meet that girl!
All the ones I've met there told me that I was silly to go back to Iraq in such conditions whatever the reason was! There were some reasons I'd prefer not to mention led me by thinking of leaving Iraq again!
Anyways, I wanna tell you something real that I've experienced; Chick are so dumb! And no offence, you ladies!
I'm worried about the people there in Iraq, the next days would be so difficult and horrible! Saddam has been sentenced to death penalty and this issue won't go easy, possibly, things will rise up terribly there in Iraq!
In Iraq, yesterday is better than today! Forget the sex thing! ;)

Monday, October 30, 2006

Back to hellcity

Hello, there! I'm here in Iraq again leaving ma family behind in Syria....
I'm intending to continue ma studies here, although, there are alot of students missing or absent and so are the doctors and lecturers.
I dunno what to say now.... I'm more confused than ever.... I dunno what is best for me?
Anyways, I need to thank someone for her great support for me and being always there for a help! I need to thank her for being such a great friend and lovely person...
Thanks alot, Melly! I'm lucky to be a friend of you!

Thursday, October 12, 2006


Finally I got to Syria after spending 38 hours in bus coming from Baghdad!
It wasn't an easy decision for me to leave Iraq and abandon my friends and relatives
and delay my academic study one year later, I say it wasn't easy but after long hours of thinking and due to the terrible conditions and my mom's insistence to runaway out of the red zone I decided to leave Iraq heading to Syria!
Since the air navigation was temporarily aborted, we (I and Mom) decided to Bus!!! By the way, we didn't choose the train cuz the railways are blocked. Therefore, we had no other choice but traveling by the bus.
There are two main roads leading to Syria! One called Al-Waleed, the other called Al-Gamshely. The first one takes 12 hours in order to hit Damascus, the latter takes about more than 20 hours but it is much safer than Al-Waleed which is infamous by the loot and pillage actions!
We began our trip on Monday, the 2nd of October at 8:15 am with other 45 passengers; most of them are women and children.
Our trip was intervened by several stoppages made by the US military forces for god knows why. Therefore, we had reached the Iraqi borders at 6:30 pm, just 30 minutes before blocking the borders. But we were surprised to know that the borders were closed by the US forces with no particular reason! I asked one of the Iraqi guards there about the time of the blockage, he answered:" Don't ask me! Ask that private!" he was pointing to some sniper was standing over an outpost tower.
There was nothing else to do but parking the bus with other three buses and spend the night outdoor. After while, three men came and told us that we could sleep inside a mosque was nearby. Although, that night was so cold that I preferred to stay inside the bus.
The borders were open again at 7:00 am, but we couldn't finish the procedures of checking passports and examining the cargoes before 11:00 am!
The funniest thing that I hadn't urinated for more than 10 hours, however, I had already drunk 6 cans of cola and several glasses of water and 2 cups of tea at the Syrian border. So, I got "busted" inside the bus! I had a terrible pressure of withholding of peeing till the next stop. I went to the driver to ask him about the time remaining to reach a nearest restaurant, he told me that it was about 100 km away which means about more than 1 hour time!
My goodness, I must keep fighting one more hour! I was suffering from a terrible pain in my flank and bladder. And yeah, here we got to a rest! I hurried to the toilet and psssssssssssssss…. Yeeeeeeeaaah! When I was about getting out of the toilet, I heard some feminine voices. I was in ladies' toilets! Still don't know the difference between toilets of men and those of women! I mean why it can't be common toilets since there isn't any special stuffs distinguish between one and another! I was imprisoned inside the toilet until all women were gone! When I was out I tried to find that sign of WOMEN but with no result. Still wondering how did they know that this was women's toilet and the other was men's?!
It was a long ride from the Syrian borders to Damascus!
Anyways, I'm here in Damascus, Yarmouk, Street no. 30 if anyone's interested!

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Another Ramadan

Hello, fellowes!
Hope you are fine and safe!
Sorry, I have no much time to post!

See ya lata!

Tuesday, August 29, 2006


Ok, pals! I may leave Iraq forever soon. My family is arranging the final steps of our departure! Anyway, I didn't make up my mind yet! I'm not sure that I wanna leave for real. Actually, if I left, I think I should terminate blogging because I don't live in Iraq anymore. But the last thing I can think is to give up posting into my blog. So, what to do?! Any ideas? Please, help!

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Death squads

I’m back!
I was in a real dormancy in the recent while! I tried to post earlier but I couldn’t. I’m now in Iraq after spending couple of weeks in Syria! I had a nice time there, I went for some ancient and touristic sites, such as, Saladin’s castle, Qasyon Mount., Lazekia beaches, Hamidya Bazaar, Tishreen square …etc.
I stayed in Damascus and the weather was really fine there, the Syrian people are nice and very collaborative, the chicks are WOW! But, I don’t why I felt sorry about me. Actually, I felt sorry about Iraq. Whenever I saw a beautiful sight or view, my heart painfully contracted sadly on Iraq. We are missing here something called system!
I just wonder how can we continue doing our jobs and go to schools or to work?! A week before, my father came home terrified! He said that some gunmen stop their office bus on the highway that leads to “Albayaa area” in Baghdad. He added and mentioned that those hirelings obliged the driver to pull over and grabbed that poor driver out of the bus and aim their AK47s over his head. One of them ordered the passengers to show their ID cards! The other gunmen yelled: “Fuck them, let’s move on from here quick!”. They took that poor driver with them and quickly drove their four wheel drive Toyota. One of the passengers volunteered to drive that bus back home. My dad said that nobody was believing what was going on! Of course, no one heard anything about that unfortunate driver since that afternoon. It’s familiar situation these days to be murdered according to your fellowship (whether being Sunni or Shiit) by some civil gunmen, all they have to do is to form a fake checkpoint and hunt some innocent people and leave quickly before they got busted by a US army vehicle or a chopper.
When I was in Syria, I met some European tourists (two Greek men and a French woman), they all asked me about the reality of the civil war in Iraq, my answer was “the bastards militias! what’s happening there is a valid environment of that war!”
Jaquelene (the French lady) begged me not go back!
With all that horror and devastation, I’m still breathing (thanks god) but I’m sick of being lonely. I used to mail some girl who was in her high school senior year, we used to chat online and exchange mails. She found me a nice guy after she was betrayed by some mothafucka. she couldn’t trust me at first but I struggled a lot to win her confidence. She told me a lot about her except her living place! She promised to meet after finishing her baccalaureate exams. But since then, I heard jackshit!
I wish that nothing bad had happened with her, I wish that she’s alive and safe somewhere. It’s ok to leave me alive than being dead!

Tuesday, July 04, 2006


Well, I'm now in Syria! It's nice over here, the weather is good, people are Ok and it's a great chance to change the terrible atomoshpere and lessen some pressure after what happend (I will talk about that in more details)!

Thursday, June 15, 2006

In memory of.....

It was Sunday's 11:20 pm when ma cellular showed the Kid no.? "What does he want?!" I've whispered..
Me: "Hello..?"
Kid: "Hello! Do you know?!"
Me: " now what?!"
Kid: "Baghday, Blue, YMX and Sonen?!"
Me: "No, I don't! what happend?!"
Kid: "You don't Know!!!!"
Me: "Know what?! What the..."
Kid: "Bye Bye!"
and soon the conversation was terminted. I thought it was a silly kind of a joke but then I decided to make sure and buzz the mentioned fellowes' cellphones! I tried to call the first one but I was surprised by the voice of the Network Call Centre said "The mobile you are calling is either switched off or out of the coverage area!". Something is wrong, I tried to call the others and it was fruitless!
Afterwhile, another guy called; He was my hostelmate, "Lil'"!
He asked me about the four guys telling me that they had an accident;
Lil': "Hey, Caesar! Listen, call Baghday's family and ask'em about Baghday and the others!"
Me: "Hehehe! Bad joke, nigga! You can't fool me!"
Lil': "I'm not fuckin' with you, ass! Call Baghday's parents! It's fucken serious!"
Me: "Why? what happend?"
Lil': "Well, there was an accident in Karrada! A bomb explosion!"
Me: "You mean they were there?!"
Lil': "Yeah, at the time of the clash!"
Me: "Ok, ok, I'm gonna call them! Do you hear me? I'll call'em. No more tricks, ok?!"
Lil': "Just do it, god's sake!"
I tried to call his Dad’s mobile but also it was out of service. My heart was throbbing faster this time hoping that nothing bad had happened. And soon I remembered that I wrote Baghday’s uncle’s phone no. somewhere and thus;
Me: “Er, Allo?! Am I talking to Mr. …..” asking about his identy.
Baghday’s Uncle: “Yes, who is this?!” he answered with shaky voice.
Me: “I’m Baghday’s friend, and I’m asking if he is ok?!”
B.U.: “Er, ah, I think he is ok! He is now in hospital!”
Me (being shocked but tried to keep calm): “Eh? No serious casualties I hope?!”
B.U.: “No, no, no! Just light burns in his arms and thighs!”
Me: “Thanks God! But what about his friends? They were with him and surely you know something about’em.”
B.U.: “Oh, I don’t know anything about the others. Listen, son! I gotta go now! Good bye!” and soon he ended the call.
I was puzzled this time; “What is the godammit going on here?!”.
I tried to call Lil’ to tell him about the call but it was ‘Switched off’ International Day and therefore I couldn’t call him.
I was more worried; “Why his cellular is switched off? Doesn’t he wait a call from me?!”, another inquiry came on ma mind “Is Baghday really ok? And why he didn’t tell me about his mates? Is it true that he doesn’t know anything about them?!” it was a torrent of tens of questions, inquiries and possibilities ,therefore, I decided to lie down and shut down ma senses and have a slumber.
I woke up early at that morning intending to go to college, on the way to college ma head was logged with these scary insomniac thoughts of something bad happened!
I got to college and there I saw a bunch of students gathering in front of the college’s cafeteria and they were my mates and I whispered: “Ya rabb ostur!” which means “please, God’s care!”. And there, I asked one of’em and he told me “We lost them! Three of them are gone!”.
I couldn’t believe it at first, the effect of the shock impedes the idea of death. And I realized that those three guys are Blue, Senon and YMX!
“Fuck Iraq!” I whispered with words came out from a collared throat. And then I had burst with tears bewailing on ma dear friends. There were some guys tried to lessen the mishap and give some support; “ They are resting in peace and let’s pray for Baghday!” but I couldn’t stop it. They were ma brothers.
Later, they said that Baghday was medicated in hospital suffering from serious burns of the third level in 60% of his 90 kg body.
I couldn’t go on more about this tragedy, no one would understand!
And then ma childhood’s mate, Baghday couldn’t make it and…………. *seizes a heavy teardrop*. I can’t forget that moment; it was 9:15 pm Bag. Time on Friday 16th of June, the phone rang and…
Me: “Hello, Falcon!”
Falcon: “Hi, man! Hey, Caesar! How’s Baghday?!”
Me: “He is ok! I had called yesterday! They let me talk to him through his dad’s cellphone!”
Falcon: “Please, can you make sure now?!”
Me: “Ok, I will!”
Then I decided to call Baghday’s dad again waiting for more good news about his progress!
But I was surprised when an unfamiliar voice answered
Me: “I’m just asking about Baghday, how is he?!”
The Guy: “I’m his cousin, Baghday has donated his life for you!” which means that Baghday’s gone!
I can’t remember then but a loud sharp wailing screech.
I didn’t imagine that I could cry on someone like that. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t study, I couldn’t stop weeping and I couldn’t stop that desire of cutting ma self again!
The more blood the more relief. I made sure that I shouldn’t leave any scars like I did before and I think that I’m becoming a professional with that shit.
And of course, Nobody cared or gave a fuck about Baghday’s death. All of their say is “He is resting in peace!” as if we didn’t live together for years and it’s easy to lose a guy like him. Even his girl (mentioned in his last posting, refer to Baghday’s blog!” didn’t shed any godammit fucken tear on him! Why is that, huh?!
Sorry, 13! But you oughtn’t say : “That’s it, it’s over!” I think it is egocentric act! It’s not easy to lose a friend and you fuckin’ know that!!!
It’s like if I would die, people will say: “Come on, it’s over! There’s nothing else we can do!........... So, how was your day?!”
What the hell your hearts are made of? Isn’t there any moment of silence? Won’t you stop this blood flood? I hate you, Iraqis! I hate you, Iraq! I hate you all!
Once, ma mom said: “I’m not Iraqi, I’m Italian! Because in Italy I felt that I was a real human and such land deserves to be your homeland and to consider yourself as a one of their people!”. She was fucking right!
May God keep my beloved mates in his eternal paradise. And if I could send them a message I will say this:
“Don’t fret, pals! You are in much safer, better and pleasant place! A place with no hypocrites, no love cheaters, no assassins and no power outages.”

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

5 minutes break

Hey, I'm here and I'm home again!
I had many shocking events and plenty of matter to discuss but have no time to post'em all!
I have to prepare for the final exams, so alotta shit is yet to come!

Friday, April 28, 2006

I'm not a party animal

Hi.. I’m here again! I can’t post regularly regarding to my current offhome status, therefore, I had to find time and a PC supported with the Internet service to post ma shit.
I’ve met my mother again this afternoon (she is currently living at my grandma’s). She was excited to see me again, she told me that she was longing for me. Infact, I had the same feeling but I tried hard not to show it. I only kissed her cheeks.
Yeah, I miss them much but I have to say this is for our own good. I must admit that once you be over 18 you must spread your wings and migrate leaving your parents behind.
I don’t say that you should secede from your family but you may avoid many problems with them by staying aside.
Shit, the graduation party will be set up next Thursday and plenty mates are gonna be gratuated, however, I won’t participate their party cuz I don’t like such silly parties for many reasons:
1. Eastern songs are played.
2. Only the boys are dancing and the gurlz are just spectators.
3. The masquerade is deadly customary.
4. The hot weather with temp. of 40 c outdoor.
5. My shy personality.

I think when I will get married (if I will) I won’t make wedding party!

See you later and sooner I hope.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Off home

Hey.. Over here!
Can you see me?!
Ok, I'm fine! And you can see that I'm still capable of breathing!
I'm now home away since a week ago, I've joined our unversity's internal hostel.
As I revealed before, ma family is inteding to move to Syria so I had to join the hostel to finish ma study here in Iraq and join ma family lata.
Well, it's a lil' bit unfamiliar and chaotic here in the hostel...
I wish to post more but I can't now....
See you later!

Monday, March 27, 2006

Birthday in road

It was my birthday.. I’m now 22 years old (still virgin though)!
On March 18, 2006 at 10:30 am, I was intending to go home after spending two nights away at friend’s of mine so I decided to take a mini-bus as a mean of travel to back home. And, yeah! One seat left and that was for me so I got in.
It was a mini-bus for 10 passengers, there were four ladies and five men. When I got in, one of the passengers was middle-aged man said: “We’ve been waiting for you for a time!” and he dabbed on my thigh but I acted indifferent busying my self with my nokia 3360 mobile switching it to pager mode and the bus got going.
There were three men chatting about the current situations of Iraq, criticising the procedures of the formation of the new elected government and how that affects badly on the life of the ordinary citizen. I was listening to their dialouge when I noticed a mongol girl was trying to woo me, she was waving her small hand and winking at me trying to draw my attention to her. I couldn’t answer but a pale smile and then she gave me a kiss in air, and soon I was embaressed about that and felt sorry about her in same time so I decided to pull my attention away, but I was shocked when I heard the woman sitting beside that poor girl talking to me….. “Hahaha, she is my daughter! It seems that she likes you!”…… “er,… yea!….. oh,… hehe… er, ok…. Hello!” I was stuttering and my face was blushing and the girl quickly hid her face behind her mother left shoulder and started giggling, the whole scene diverted to be ridiculous but the woman thanked me for doing this and she said that I made her happy. She also told me that I reminded her by her son who is abroad for work…..
The Woman: “ He is now in UAE working with his uncle! And you could see that I spend all my time with Tota” she meant her daughter and then added : “ My son, Khalid, is in your age! He is 24 years old!”.
Me: “ May Allah keep them safe for you!”
Woman: “ And bless you too, son! See, I haven’t much left since I lost my husband in war 90” she meant the 2nd Gulf war in 1991.
Me: “Oh, may he rest in peace!”.
Woman: “ Oh, may he! Poor girl! She became orphan in her 1st year!”.
“Stop it, ma’am! You’ve wringed my heart!” I whispered, and the defected girl was still smiling.
How can someone be such loyal to the memory of his lover, I mean that mother seems to be at the beginning of 40s of her age, she is good-looking too. She could get married at that time, but instead, she prefered to raise two kids one of them has constitutional defects. I can’t imagine this but I can understand it anyway.
Then, there was a long pause intervened by smiles of that bereaved girl and coughs of 60 years old man smoking Kent cigarettes, and then the woman told the driver that she should get off and she saluted me good bye….
The woman: “ Come on Tota! Say bye to ……..”
Me : “-----” I answered.
The woman : “ Ok, stay safe, ------!”
Me: “ I will! Thanks, Ma’am!”.
Tota (giggles) : “ Bye!”
Me: “Ok, bye bye, Tota!”
And they got off.
And again I was buzzed by the same middle aged man,
Man: “ What a pity! Mind is a grace!".
Me : " But she is not crazy!"
Man : " I know she is mongol!" he said it with disgust and added : "she may not live so long, i heard they live shortly!"
Me (whispers) : "and what the fuck you wanna get?! Mind your own bussiness, sucker!"
In the end, I got home safe in one piece and thanks God!
And that was my birthday!

Monday, March 13, 2006

Ma poor brother

First thing I say: “ I’m not fazed”….Oh ma poor brotha…. Son of ma dad and motha…..Don’t care, don’t botha…..Chicks are mothafucka!!!!
Yeah, these days my brother is so frustrated and depressed cuz of a chick!He started to listen to sad arabic songs and prefered to be alone with himself with a rather frown face and everytime I ask him about the reason he wouldn’t tell, until one time he was so desperate and greifed, therefore, he couldn’t keep it anymore and soon he told me about what tortured him all that time.He was loving a girl with him in the same college, he thought that she liked him too and he was hesitating whenever he decided to tell her about his feelings but in the end he decided to so.He went to her as she was walking with another girl and asked her to have some words on private;Brother: “Er,…Hi!”.Girl: “Hi?!”.Bro: “Can I talk to you on private?….. I mean I have something to tell you!”Girl (shrugging): “Me?!… No, I apologize”.Bro: “It won’t take long, just a couple of words!”Girl: “I know what are you trying to tell me but I’m sorry, I can’t!”Bro (falling from the 20th floor): “Ok, thank you for your time!”He was sighing and trying hardly to seize heavy tears when he told me his story. I became pissed off when he finished narrating that dialouge and I said at once : “FUCK HER!” twice with a chocked voice, but ma brother soon replied : “No, you shouldn’t say that! She refused me softly and I may try again later….”.I felt sorry about him and said : “Ok, cheer up, man! She just missed a wonderful guy!” and then I left him with a smile.
Fuck her again and again! After all, who is she? Angelina Jolie, Christina Aguilera or Paris Hilton? Why he is got to suffer cuz of her? Does he have to try again and cringe himself before her to win her heart? Well, he said that he still love her! Excuse me, bro! But this is not love, it is a mothafucka pain! You don’t have to suffer and care about a person doesn’t give a fuck about you! You mustn’t live with that illusion and punishing yourelf like that!Obsession is defined by one sided love, you should know that!I had passed through all this and my scar is a live evidence for that insanity. But, at least, we both were (me and the county girl) in love neglecting what happened after.Love is so sweet when you find someone reciprocating it with you, at that moment, I can say you are in love and you must be loyal with your lover and let your hearts do talking.Sometimes, I feel sorry about ma country girl. She was (and still) in love with me, she presented her soul and body for me and also she was ready to do anything for me but I was such a fuckin’ pig who thought of nothing but to parade his pornography.Sorry, Melantrys! Now, the image had become distinct and clear! I’ve figured out what you told me about stop decieving her and act honestly. Thank you!Anyways, I think that sex makes any two lovers connected more to each other and prepare a suitable ground for the consturction of truth between them.
Anyways, I’m now enjoying ma self watching porn at XXL and MULTVISION sat. channels. I want a time-out to relax before going on again.
One last thing, this post wasn’t for my brother only, but it is also for you Kid, Blue and every heartached person.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Fire extinguisher

Good afternoon,
Last night at nearly 9:30 pm I was sitting behing ma PC when I heard a loud sharp scream comes out from the next door "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh".I hurried to get out and see what happened, I thought that he was shocked by the electric power but I was terrified when I saw a huge flames rising up from the nieghboors garage with scary screams coming out through the fire, I spontanously started to yell at ma brother and dad, and soon I saw ma father was coming out and then ma brother too. I ran to get the hose to come down the fire spreading beside that poor man's car I told ma father to help me with that but he wasn't listening, his attention was to move our car away leaving me alone and then I heard ma brother shouts to pull our nieghboor's car away. My brother was standing bravely near the scary flames with a big blanket to decrease the danger of that fire, some guys helped him with that and they decided to pull the car away in order to avoid the danger of the blow and they did so.
Ma dad came then and yelled for us to come back, this time we didn't give a fuck....
Let him be coward and enjoy that miserable life we all are living but let's do our job and live proudly. I prefer to die and people helping others better than living this shitty life.
Anyways, someone brought a fire extinguisher and let that fuckin' fire down.
No one was hurted (thanx God) and it was impressing moment when that man thanked us (me and ma brother and ofcourse that extinguisher guy).

I think I will never forget that.

ps: I didn't watch porn afterwards that night!!!

Friday, March 03, 2006

Ravished desires (Part II)

I think I’m alil’ bit jumpy now. Why not! They shot three people yesterday in three different incidents in our area. One of them was a grocer, the other was a construction worker and finally an ordinary passer-by was intending to have a haircut.
I was near by when they shot the third man, and I knew all about his murder,
Three guys were in red Opel automobile, two of’em got off and they started to fire the barber’s site killing a poor 20 years old was standing in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I heard later that when Abu Shahad (the grocer) was murdered, they put a paper on his bloodish body declaring that they will terminate 20 guys from our area and other 20 from a nieghbored quarter.
For God’s sake, we’ve been terrified for the sight of any new unfamiliar fishy vehicle….
Today’s noon, we were standing infront of a centre for young men for billiards and networking games chatting about yesterday’s catastrophes when a white Daweoo (actually it is called Espero) marched slowly across us then the car’s window went down slowly too……… I whispered “جاك الموت يا تارك الصلاة” which means “ it’s your time, you impious” everyone was steady and ready to hear and perhaps to receive some bullets shots. We just finished playing a round of Medal of Honor and no one expected that he would face the same end of those virtual soldiers. Everyone was hoping it wasn’t GAME OVER….
Among these hopes and thoughts, a head popped out of the window and then we heard a voice from inside the car “Salamualaikum! Anyone of you knows where is a nearst clinic?”
What?! Where is the machine gun then? Are you terriorst suffering from a sudden heart attack or ulcer?
Leaving them behind guiding that guy and back to home where I hurried to my desk and turned on my PC and listened to Eminem’s Toy soldier while I was paging my diary note book and recorded what I felt at that moment.
Another thing makes me anxoius is that I have a long hair!
One of the items on their kill bill is to have a long hair, they are claiming that this long hair is imitation the jews and/or females. And that did happen, they shot a christian dude called Frank and cut off his braid.
That’s why I’m thinking of wearing a hood. God, they gonna make us wear hdjab!!!!
Oh, I’d like to say that this is not the full image of Baghdad, some (let me say most of) areas are sound and safe but this happens majorly in Addora (where I live) which is called by Fallujah II .

Friday, February 17, 2006

Ravished desires

Buh, it’s me again…
(Caesar is currently examining his scar)….
I feel bored and thoughtless and my family now is preparing for moving away to Syria, they offered the house for rent and sold some extra furniture and other things.
This time luckily they have something to distract their minds cuz during the recent while they were quarrelling a lot for different stupid reasons.
When I was kid, they were fussing and quarrelling also but from time to time and I had to manage the reconcilation between them but not any more. My baby face’s smile and innocent lies wouldn’t work anymore and frankly I got sick of that.
But, I asked myself why all that quarrells and misunderstandings are happening everyday? And I found the right answer to that….. it’s the pre-arranged marriage.
Yeah, my parents didn’t plunge into love story and then got married like most of the fairy tales. No, it was very ordinary western marriage which is indeed a kind of an agreement between the families of the new couples.
They didn’t test each other well during the engagemnet peroid as my father travelled to Serbia & Montenegro (Yugoslavia previously) leaving my mom in Baghdad, then after 2 years my father returned to Baghdad and soon they got married.

Anyways, F it!

Oh, shit! I failed again!
My exams’ results showed that I failed in 4 subjects and therefore there will be a big fat shit to be done during next summer.

Hey, I miss my country girl a little. I don’t know if I wanna meet her again or not cuz I’m still terrified of the marriage thing ,besides, I don’t know if she is the one I want to be my life mate…..
Not because she let me examine her sensational parts with my slimy tongue, but I think we don’t belong together….
Yeah, I must admit that I will lose a gorgeous body with fascinating lips, but I must put and an end to that orgy and stop exploiting her and deceiving her.
I’m horny and lusy that’s true but also I have my own principles and I can’t bring a girl like her down.

One last thing, thank you melantrys for your advice to curb my naughty spirit but I don’t wanna get cold showers anymore…. I CAN’T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

History of Pornography

An erotic wall painting from Pompeii

Pornography has an extensive history. Sexually suggestive and explicit artwork is as ancient as artwork of any other content; explicit photographs date to very shortly after the invention of photography; and among the earliest films are works depicting nudity and explicit sex.
Nude human beings and sexual activities are depicted in some paleolithic art (e.g. Venus Figurines); however, it is not certain that the purpose was sexual arousal, as the images may have had instead a spiritual significance. There are numerous pornographic paintings on the walls of ruined Roman buildings in Pompeii. One notable example is a brothel in which the various sexual services are advertised in murals above each door. In Pompeii you can also see phalli and testicles engraved in the sidewalks, pointing the way to the prostitution and entertainment district, to aid visitors in finding their way (see Erotic art in Pompeii). Archaeologists in Germany reported in April 2005 that they had found what they believe is a 7,200-year-old pornographic scene depicting a male figurine bending over a female figurine in a manner suggestive of sexual intercourse. The male figure has been named Adonis von Zschernitz. [4]
Pornographic comic books known as Tijuana bibles began appearing in the U.S. in the 1920s.
In the second half of the 20th century, pornography in the United States evolved from the so-called "men's magazines" such as Playboy and Modern Man of the 1950s. These magazines featured nude or semi-nude women, sometimes apparently engaging in the act of masturbation, although their genitals or pubic hair were not actually displayed. By the late 1960s, however, these magazines, which by then included Penthouse, began to evolve into more explicit displays, eventually, by the 1990s, featuring sexual penetration, lesbianism and homosexuality, group sex, masturbation, and fetishes.
The first explicitly pornographic film with a plot that received a general theatrical release in the U.S. is generally considered to be Mona (also known as Mona the Virgin Nymph), a 59-minute 1970 feature by Bill Osco and Howard Ziehm, who went on to create the relatively high-budget hardcore/softcore (depending on the release) cult film Flesh Gordon.
The 1971 film The Boys in the Sand represented a number of pornographic "firsts." It was the first generally available gay pornographic movie. It was the first porn film to include onscreen credits for its cast and crew (albeit largely under pseudonyms). It was the first porn film to parody the title of a mainstream movie (in this case, The Boys in the Band). And it is the only X-rated pornographic film to be reviewed by The New York Times.

Technology and pornography
Mass-distributed pornography is as old as the printing press. Almost as soon as photography was invented, it was being used to produce pornographic photographs. Indeed some claim that pornography has been a driving force in the take up of technologies from the printing press, through photography (still and motion) to video, satellite TV and the internet

The Internet
With the arrival of the Internet, the availability of pornography increased greatly. Some of the most successful internet entrepreneurs are those who operate pornographic internet sites. As well as conventional photographic or video pornography, some sites offer an "interactive" video game-like entertainment. Due to the international character of the Internet, it provides an easy means whereby consumers, residing in countries where pornography is either entirely illegal, or at least that which does not furnish physical proof of age, can easily acquire such material from sources in another country where it is legal or remains unprosecuted. See internet pornography.
The low cost of copying and delivering digital data boosted the formation of private circles of people swapping pornography. With the advent of peer-to-peer file sharing applications such as Kazaa, pornography swapping has reached new heights. Free pornography became available en masse from other users and is no longer restricted to private groups. Large amounts of free pornography on the Internet is also distributed for marketing purposes to encourage subscriptions to paid content.
Since the late 90's, "porn from the masses for the masses" seems to have become another new trend. Cheap digital cameras, increasingly powerful and user-friendly software, and easy access to pornographic source material have made it possible for individuals to produce and share home-made or home-altered porn for next to no cost.
On the Internet, pornography is sometimes referred to as pr0n which is misspelled p0rn — porn written with zero, a common style in a so called leet speak. One theory on the origins of this spelling is that it was devised to fool text filters on instant messaging programs or chat rooms.
According to Google, 68 million searches including some variation of the word "porn" occur every day.

Sunday, January 29, 2006


I must've been drunk..... But anyways, I can use the net..... I THINK I'm now uploading some images...........................

For the shit of freedom......:

and, aahh... Take this...

I think it's for a blonde chick with a nice pussy.......

am I right??????

hmmmm, Always have some optimism....

what the hell are you doing? NOT NOW.... Can't you see that I'm busy???

the necessity is the mother of invention.....

Ahh, What is written there...?


Sunday, January 22, 2006


It’s been along time, isn’t it?
I tried to post earlier but I was set back due to many reasons; exams, repeated power outtages and my recent sudden illness
(to whom it may concerns: I feel better now!)
Facing some silly problems with the KID cuz of my last posting, he claimed that I depicted him as a horny mothafucka and Rock Girl as a playful pervert. Well, I dunno if I did that or not but it wan’t my intention to do that (I write what I see).
I may exaggerated about RG of being lesbian but she read my post and said it was ok.
Anyways, both of’em appreciate that kind act of me. (how conceited am I!)

Hey, I wanna talk about something disquieted me these days: THE MARRIAGE
I went again to Rumadi to see my “nymph” there with some wet dreams in mind but once I met her she informed me that we should stop that orgy cuz she thought that I was using her and also she wasn’t sure of my feeling about her, she told me that we should love each other and think seriously for the future of our relationship…..
Wtf she’s talking about? Did she mean about the future by marriage?! and what about that alleged orgy? We didn’t have an intercourse but few separated kisses?! (I licked her clit once but that was so sudden and fast).
When I asked her about the Eidya (a certain bonus presented during Eid), I thought she would give me a kiss as an eidya but instead of that she gave me her photo and said with a smile: “Take this and kiss (her) a lot!”.
Infact, I felt sorry about her. She deserves a better man not a crook.
I wanted her the girl of my lusty fantasy but apparently I let her fall in love with me.

I don’t wanna be hurry with picking my lifemate. I don’t wanna wake up in a morning looking miserably to the woman lying besides and damning the moment I chose her to be my wife…….

Lusty Caesar was here---

Sunday, January 08, 2006

the troika

Damn you, Kid! That was close!
The Liberty traingle, the threesome, two guys and a girl, two metalliks and a rapper, the troika….etc. name us anything you want. That is the three of us; me, the Kid and Rock girl.
R.G. and the Kid are my beloved pals, we are all in the same college, same age (the Kid is younger than rest by a year), same tall, about the same feature, same thoughts, same minds and even the same foolishness.
I knew the Kid since summer 2003, when it was announced that we were in the same department. At first, his image in mind wasn’t that much bright cuz I didn’t know the guy before and to be more honest I didn’t like him at the first glance, I don’t know why but he seemed to be antipathic person with his ugly mustache and hairy arms.
Few weeks later, we had some talks and salutations but still had some uncomfortable impression. I thought that he was concealing something bad about me but being as sly as me I tried not to disclose that. One day during English language lecture, I was tossing the pen ennuily, the Doc. was reciting some dialouge with a ludicrous manner of speaking before she demanded from one of the students to read it loudly and clearly.
I intentionally disregarded her call letting the other students performing that request.
And soon one of them started to warble, I was astonished for the accent “God! That fella is from the BBC no doubt!” talking to myself. Afterwards, I realized that fella is the kid himself!!!!!!
Another day at Maths lecture, the Kid brought a digital camera with him that day and he secretly began to snap some shots to the classroom, mates and even the lecturer.
But unfortunately, he got busted by the Doc. and soon he was sent to the college council for investigations. As I was the supervisor-student I felt that I had a mandatory task toward this guy, so I imposed myself to support him in his trouble.
Anyway, he was survived after signing a commitment that this incident wouldn’t happen again. I felt that I didn’t do my best to help him and I let him down, but he hurried to me being out of breath to tell me what happened with him during that session, he said that the dean was there and told him that this action is a misdemeanor in western countries customs.
(C’mon, dogg! What the hell are you talking about?! Tens of teachers, doctors, writers and experts were murdered and their assassins are still walking freely).

Then, our relationship got more adhesion and well connected. We became close friends telling each other secrets and things that we couldn’t dare to reveal in a day.
Whenever I was fucked up, the Kid was there to share me that load.
Talking about the college chicks and what if we could have sex with them, he always said : “Pal, you just need a hole to evacuate your desire!”.
“it’s hormone thing and I can do nothing about it” I answered.
Studying for the exams, working on some project, having some problems with our department girls and traveling abroad created some interruptions to my friendship with the Kid.
I failed that year and he did pass and then left for Amman, so I guessed that it was over and soon realized that I lost a precious buddy. I thought that the companionship of a chick is the most desired thing in my life but I had found that there is nothing like the pals chats.

September 2004,
I was walking along the section’s corridor lazily when I caught sight of a boy wearing a yellow shirt with a weird funny tie, a wide disinguished smile on the face….. “Ooh,Kiddy!” I started to yell with a glee, he looked so neat. I was delighted by his arrival and was more pleased when he told me that he would stay in Iraq a longer time.

In fact, in my first year I was (seiving) the friendship of my partenrs to pick up the approriate one to be my true friend and with no further researches, the Kid was the chosen one.
I know that the Kid was resenting my adulation and vainglory at first but both of us accepted the defects of each other and accustomed to live with that.
He told me one day that he didn’t like me at the beginning because he thought that I was cajoling the gurlz a lot!!!!!

The Kid met a girl on Yahoo! chat and later on they began phoning each other, and being his best friend, he was telling everything about her and about their daily conversations and quarrels. Sometimes, the crazy Kid was recording their chats to enjoy listening later.
He didn’t realize till this moment that I got dizzy everytime he prated about their monotonous love story.

January 2005,
A girl with 14 years old who was a friend of my sister divulged that she was loving me passionately. A few rushing unquiet kisses and caressings escorted that hot situation.
The Kid was the only guy knowing about that (and now you, ofcourse!), he said : “man, you gotta tape it next time!” he also added : “but Caesar, you’d better have no intimacy with her, it’s fuckin’ painful, foxy!”.
I’m not exaggerating but I take that advice seriously despite the lust I had (anyway, I should not depend on that, after all, it’s hormone thing!”

Afterwards, I was cursed by the divine punishment for palying frivolity with that gurl. The first scholar course final exams results revealed that I had (fucked up) again, but the girl passed that mid-year exams sound and safe!
I decided to repent and do the prayers, I let my beard to grow some centimetres more, asking the Lord’s forgiveness whenever my eyes dropped on a passing-by (butt).
The Kid was supporting me and trying to convince me that I had done nothing sinful and must pay more attention to the next course. And with no other moment of hesitation, I was back (the Lusty Caesar) again.

During that period, the Kid met another gurl, this time was one from our college who was mad about that Metallica band.
I remember once, the Kid and I were out of the cafeteria conversing about something when that gurl came and asked the Kid to let her examine a T-shirt for that metal band, it was funny and weird cuz we didn’t know the gurl before but then they (the Kid himself and the ROCK GIRL) became close friends.

Well, I was impressed (in a way or another) by the gurl but needn’t to let the Kid introduce to her. I was interested about the relationship with the (countryside teen).
Months passed, trouble were amassed and I was getting worse day by day. I considered myself that I was the most inauspicious person this world (my earlier postings illustrated that).
And then, I sent as SOS signal to the Kid perhaps I could get some good news or find a beneficial salvation for my issue.
One night, I met the Kid online and he told me that he was chatting online with the Rock Girl. I desperately demanded her ID from him and he did after a lil’ debate.
That was our dialouge (me & the Rock Girl):
me: um... er... hello?!
Rock Girl: hi
me: er..h.. hi....
R.G.: who?.. who are you?
me:! well
R.G.: bye
me: wait!… wait!
R.G.: no, bye!
me: why?? you didn't know anything yet, just cause you are a girl and I'm boy!
R.G.: whatever! i dont know u and i dont wanna chat with you…. ok ? bye
me: i thought you are more open-minded
R.G.: no I’m not, i dont care!
me: well, i bet you are! cuz I know you!!!!! (I thought that I should stop playing the polite gentleman role and tighten the screws a lil’ bit.)
me: and I’m not trying to scare you
(3 minutes pause)
me: so you like metal? and you are 22 yeas old
R.G.: no, i hate every thing!
(the Rock Girl is confused now)
R.G.:heeeey who are you?
(Back again to our game)
me: well i'm .. as you guessed, from hell or somehting nearby ….. i'm from Iraq
R.G.: heeeeeeeey, Kid ?
me: the Kid, the Kid himself….he is in Amman right now
(currently playing the dummy guy role)
me: you know him?!
R.G.: just leave me alone
me: why? is it something bad?……. i'm trying to chit-chat that is all
R.G.: bye
(feeling bored from continuing this)
me: at least do u want to know me? huh?!
R.G.: no……. bye and dont chat with me again
me: you, stubborn!
(being lil’ pissed of but trying to calm down)
me: you could guess who am I, at least! But anyway, sorry for that….you may misunderstood me
me: but
me: i had fun really talking to you
me: and i'm afraid i bothered you quite enough
me: sorry anyway
(Caesar is signing out)

Well, I published a posting about that conversation, but I decided to cancel it later due to Kid’s request. He claimed that Rock Girl would mind and sue me for that!

Anyway, I was fucked up afterwards examining my scar all the time going intervened by whims of masturbation. So I decided to establish a new way of pulling the shit out of me and that was my BLOG.

Later, the Kid told me that he told her about me and she decided to meet me.

October 2005,
I met Rock Girl and the first statement she said was: “God, you look like Richard Gear!” then we went on….
She is so naïve and innocent girl, wears trousers with an islamic yashmak covering the top. She has creamy skin with a cute looking and fabulous eyebrows. In addition, she is a heavy metal lesbian fan!!! Yea, she does love the sex fair as well as metal!
She is infamous for that thing……. FUCK OFF, HOMOPHOBICS!!!
Once, she jested with a bully girl and told her that she wanna marry her, the latter rushed to Anarki to tell him that… I wasn’t there to witness the reaction of Anarki but I bet that he was nauseated by.

We (the three of us) form a perfect team of insurgents against all bad notions and defects of our society, all had the same viewpoints and conceptions about almost everything.
We are like f.r.i.e.n.d.s. (except we need 3 other people more).

By the way, she is not a blogger as the Kid but she has a lot of fat shit to release. I remember once when I first told her about my blog’s title In Iraq, sex is like snow, she sighed and said : “yeahh, you are right!”.

I can say more about Rock Girl but that was all she allowed me to post about her, our
secrets simply are our own.

Ahhh, yeah… I forgot….

hApPy EiD ;)